Surrender

At the beginning of the new year I was able to take a much needed retreat for 4 nights, 5 days at a monastery about an hour and a half north of my home.  I stayed in a private hermitage - no phone, no internet, no television.  There was a cd player and lots of silence.  It was a wonderful time of prayer, reflection, study, silence and surrender.

 

 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

January 8, 2015

 

A very fine snow is gently falling outside. I have the blinds in the Hermitage open so that I can watch the snowfall. It's peaceful. I know though that outside it is harsh. Cold. Bitter cold. The falling of the snow is calming nonetheless from where I sit under the warm hand stitched quilt.

 

It took a few days to get used to the silence - yesterday the acceptance came and the deafening distractions of silence began to fade. It is my last full day here at the hermitage. I have a mere 27 hours left before I check out. I want to stay longer... The slow pace and the quiet has been good for me. The symptoms of anxiety I was having (tension headaches, heart palpitations, fatigue) are gone. I feel like I can breathe here. I wonder will they return when I do?

 

Around mid December I felt the Lord say to me that the new year was to be one of surrender. I admit surrender sounds scary.

 

Surrender: to lay down, to yield up, to release control.

 I thought, why couldn't it be the year of blessing or the year of hope? Those are nice words. What I've learned though is the very fear of surrender is what God wanted from me. He didn't want me to surrender so He could play twisted games with me. No, that is Satan.

 

God desires my surrender so that for Christ's sake and the sake of the gospel I can be a witness of love and faithfulness to this world. He asks for my surrender to His will. Jesus surrendered to His Father's will... so can I. He asks me to surrender because he sees the big picture of my life and knows what lies ahead.

 

My surrender is releasing fear and control. His desire for my surrender is for me to walk in faith and confidence that no matter what happens, His Presence, His Peace and His Provision will meet me there. Always.

 

Did I accomplish surrender this week?

 

No, not entirely.

 

What I did learn is that surrender is a daily act. Just as God's mercies are new to me every morning, so is my surrender to be to Him.

 

Surrender, my daily dying and declaration of love, trust and dependence on Him.

 

Surrender, a living sacrifice of my life in exchange for His life lived through me.

 

Surrender, my yes to Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I brought simple, healthy meals but there days were cold (-30 and higher with windchills) so I did drive into town one night and enjoyed a warm meal at a restaurant.  :)